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Mudslides and Peppermint Schnapps

 Brainstorming for a new short story to start on.

Mudslides and Peppermint Schnapps

            I hadn’t ever thought much about love until it was too late, until the day the liquor store man’s daughter fell into my lap.  With the taste of iron on my tongue and the faint smell of antifreeze in my nose I knew that town so far from everywhere would soon be rent from one greasy side to the other by something far too big to be contained within it. 

            Pretty soon the slow moving river that had long served as a natural dividing line cutting a meandering line through the center of Hanesburry ran it’s quickened course, taking many of the town’s buildings with it as it carved a stinking wound into the land.  People lived amongst the festering ruins of the muddy town center, pulling splinters and whatever had escaped destruction out of the sordid hole.


            Digging ankle deep in the mud filled pit with water circling my feet, I found my sweet liquor store girl, hand still clutched around an unbroken bottle of peppermint schnapps.

Heralding in My Portable Life

 In 18 days I'll be 19.  That means 19 years down the drain, all wasted while I drowned in products with catchy colors and catch phrases but no purpose.  I remember being a kid, fueled by my mother's southern bell vision of the good life, and always wanting the next thing.  But it's all different now (it's funny how a week in Indiana could have erased almost 19 years worth of consumer sludge).  I'm selling everything I have no need for on ebay and putting the money aside so I can save up to buy land somewhere in the Southeast and build a log cabin.  If I don't need it to live or have no emotional connection to it it's up for sale.  I'm hoping to make at least a few hundred dollars, if not more.  I want to be able to fit all of my stuff in a bag.  I want to be portable.  Living shouldn't be a huge process, moving from spot to spot.  If I wouldn't miss it, it's not worth keeping.

My life has completely turned around in the last couple of months.  I feel like in some ways I've slowed down.  Instead of having all of these crazy short term goals that most first year college students have, all I want to do is save money and settle down somewhere quiet.  I want to get married.  I'd do it now if it was more socially acceptable.  Richie and I have been dating for three (happy) years, and, aside from some personal commitment issues I had at the beginning of the year, we've been really stable. It just makes sense that we would get married.  I can't imagine myself with anyone else.  Just the thought of it makes me sick now.  Richie's just so....right.  He's the only person I don't constantly compare myself too.  I see him as my complete equal in every way.  And I love him more than I've ever loved anyone or anything.  While we were in Indiana, we had to watch his niece (3) and his nephew (6).  Seeing him with them actually made he consider (for the first time ever) having kids someday.  Of course, the kids will have to wait.  I will NOT be a teenage mother, and I want to at least get some sort of college degree.  But maybe sometime in the distant future, after I'm married and settled down somewhere in the woods, I'll have a family.  The idea is still pretty weird to me.  But whatever, there's plenty of time to think about it.

I miss Richie already.  Even though I just got back this afternoon from our trip to Indiana.  I think I'm going to be really sad in the morning when he's not there to wake me up.  But I'll have all day to start sorting through my stuff and that will keep my mind off of being sad.  It's time to usher in a new era, ENTER THE PORTABLE LIFE.

oh, and my mom is mad at me for buying a bb gun.  Just wait until I tell her I'm joining the NRA.

I put the 'pro' in PROCRASTINATE!!

 So I should be doing my homework like i said i was going to.....but.....I'm really not feeling like critiquing my peer's short stories right now.  If it was actually decent literature, then maybe i would.  I feel more like an editor than a critic right now.  Well, anyways, maybe feeling like this means my story is going to ROCK. hopefully....

I wonder what it would be like to be married right now....i've been asking Richie what he thinks about the idea lately.

I think I know why I want to get married.  I came to this conclusion the other night.  So basically, lately I've been feeling super pointless.  Nothing I've done has been very good, but Professor Magnanini keeps telling me that I'd make a great wife and mother.  I guess wanting to get married is just my way of trying to give my life meaning.  My goodness I'm lame lol

WHY AM I SO AWAKE?!  I need to sleep so I can wake up in time to prepare for my ear training test tomorrow!!!!  Good thing sight singing is pretty easy

Seems weird that living such an unhealthy lifestyle is actually making me feel healthier...... boy do i love irony.

alright, work time! night!

So Much for Sleep....

 So it's about 1 and I'm still up doing laundry and theory homework.  Boy do I hate doing three nights worth of theory work in one night.  Just great.  Luckily I'm in theory and ear training with a bunch of music theatre kids, so most of the time I just space out in class while they ask the same exact question just worded in about 100 different ways.  They constantly amaze me with how many ways there are to ask one question....

I really am starting to hate my art classes.  I should have submitted a portfolio to get out of them.  But hey, I figured the beginner art classes would be fun and I might learn something.  Nope, wrong on  both counts.  I'm the only art major in either class.  They are sooooo boring.  And since we're learning all of the basics, it's just really silly, time consuming assignments that take me a lot of time to do because it's really hard to do something that simple.  I'm so used to seeing the basics used in context that trying to separate the two is impossible.  Somehow I'm supposed to use stipple to draw texture.  It's really dumb.  Pretty much I have to just randomly scatter dots on the paper and call it finished.  Awesome.  I can't wait till we can move on from this.

Boy do I hate doing laundry....

And I still have to shower. Boooo.....

But I get to go home for the weekend on Friday!  Richie and I are going to hang out on Saturday.  My parents are going out of town that night so I'm going to cook dinner for Lexi, Richie, and I.  Should be pretty fun.  I should start putting together a shopping list.  I'm so glad I get to see Richie!!! Yayyyyyy!

Thursday I have a party/get together for SAI.  Hope it goes smoothly.  I don't want to be out to late or do anything dumb the night before my lesson.  Professor Magnanini finally knows I'm transferring, so I want to have a good lesson and make him happy this week.  I'm tired of bad lessons.  It seems I've hit another rough patch.  Hopefully Friday will change that!!!

Capture Captain

 Capture the flag is the greatest game EVER. So it started at 8:30 and went until like a few minutes ago.  We used about a third of the campus as playing grounds, it was ridiculous.  And of course I got to spend more time with Brian, which is always nice. I actually got picked as captain for the last game, which was great (Brian picked me, which made it even better)!!  It was so much fun. A ton of running too.  After yesterday's fencing, todays exercise was totally brutal lol

Put up some pictures of some art I've done lately on facebook, check them out! Tell me which ones you like so I can figure out which ones to put up on deviantart or something.


 So this week has been a really weird combination of good and bad.  I've had a TON of homework, which I'm not used to since last semester was ridiculously easy. I've been having some trouble with the bassoon and junk. And of course I really have to get on that New College Application.  But on the brighter side, I learned how to fence last night and the nice guy who is teaching me invited me to play capture the flag tonight, which is pretty much the coolest idea ever. Fencing is probably the most fun thing I've done here at Miami. It seems like the only thing that doesn't have some sort of negative side effect.  Marching band had all those rehearsals and some people I probably never should have gotten involved with.  Art has a ton of homework (though that's fun, just time consuming) and is excessively boring.  And of course, music is just driving me crazy right now.  All I want to do is fence, read, paint, and get on living. I feel like I'm wasting my time.

Last week I had a really good bassoon lesson, but today I had a really bad one.  Of course I know why it was bad, I never practice.  But every time I go to practice I get frustrated and think of all the things (painting, homework, just do some of my friend's engineering work for fun) I could be doing and I can't bring myself to play the bassoon.  I've known for a while that music was just a hobby, not something I loved doing like this.  Art is my passion, music is a hobby.  Professor Magnanini asked me today in my lesson if bassoon was just a hobby.  I didn't have the heart to say yes, but I felt bad lying about it too.  I really need to transfer, I can't take this anymore.  Bassoon brings no enjoyment to me anymore.  It really does fill me with dread.  And my lessons just make me feel guilty and bad. I hate it. Why do I major in something that makes me feel really bad?

Everyone in the studio is trying to force me to tell Professor that I'm going to transfer. I know I need to tell him soon so he can choose who to let in next year, but I don't want to tell him until my choice is made and my plans are finalized.  I guess I sort of don't want to tell him too.  Not that he'll miss me much. I'm a pain lol.  I shouldn't feel this bad about it though, I'm sure there are lots of kids who are going to transfer out.  It's not even just because of the music thing.  Without my music scholarships I wouldn't be able to afford going there, so it's more of a money issue than anything else really.  I still feel bad though, especially since he keeps telling me all the ensembles I'll be in next year.  Whatever, they won't miss me, I'm the worst in the studio.  I've been playing for like 3 years less than most of the kids auditioning for next year, so I bet one of them will be able to replace me well enough.

Ghetto pants and clarinet jam sessions

 So my black corduroy pants ripped today.  Across one of the knees. It's a total bummer because I swear I just got them over thanksgiving break and I wear them for my concerts. LAME. So since I didn't want them to rip any more, I used that blue painter's tape as a temporary patch. Seemed to work ok. Tomorrow I'll have to sew them, but seeing as how right now I have to go to class in 6 hours and I still have to write a short story and turn it in by 4 pm, it doesn't look like that will be happening lol.

I got a lot of really good advice for my whole situation the other day (thanks Lindsey and Emma!), unfortunately, this situation just keeps getting more and more difficult.  So yesterday (Sunday that is) I told Richie about this whole situation, figuring he would like the honesty. Unfortunately, Richie took it completely the other way and accused me of making up the whole story and telling it to him to make him jealous or something.  We sort of got in an argument, no yelling or anything, but just a lot of misunderstandings.  Basically, end of story, Richie was pissed.

Then of course Shawn is making everything more difficult too.  So he keeps texting me to hang out with me, which in and of itself is completely innocent.  So I told him he could come over here and hang out with Alex and I in our dorm after I had finished my homework.  So he stayed for a couple of hours, and it was really pleasant.  Turns out he can play guitar really well too.   The only problem is that it's becoming increasingly apparent that he REALLY likes me.  It seems weird, because it's not at all the normal I've-known-you-for-four-days kind of like, it's like when you meet someone and you instantly go crazy over them.  I guess that's why he's wanted to hang out with me everyday.  I have no idea what I feel about Shawn, all I know is that he's a really cool friend.  I really haven't let myself feel anything more than that because I feel so devoted to Richie.  I really do love Richie.  I just feel sometimes like, 'wow, I'm going to be with the same person for my entire life'.  It seems so very......fairy tale.  But it doesn't seem like that kind of thing would work very well in real life.  How can you know you love someone when you've never been in a relationship with someone you didn't love?  To know love I believe you have to first know the absence of love.  Love is all about trial and error, I don't think you're supposed to succeed on your first try.  Well, maybe I'm just lucky, I don't want to ruin what I have by having a grass-is-always-greener attitude.

Anyone ever heard of the song Triad by Jefferson Airplane? Yeah, that's how I feel, minus the whole threesome thing.....

Looks like I'm going to be the star pupil in my art classes!  So far all we've had to do is draw straight lines........you'd be surprised how much people can mess up on that

On to writing my short story! Then I have to make it to class at 8! Goodnight!


 Alright, It's been a while since I last posted....actually, it's been more than a month i think. So I'm back at school now, finished my first week, and am pretty much back into the swing of things.  It's only the first weekend and I've already been at a party that had a cop scare. Luckily, I wasn't drinking or anything so I was safe. Go me.

So I'm still pretty sure I'm going to transfer, the plans are pretty settled, I just have to finish my New College application. I hope it works out!!! It was weird, my mom actually suggested to me last week that I could just drop out of school and stay at home until next year. Weird......

I've taken up crocheting recently, since I have no life.  I've been crocheting for two weeks (?) and I'm actually already-dare i say it- good!  I crocheted a really cute headband today with a flower. Seemed to be a big hit with my friends. I know what I'm making everyone for christmas next year! lol

So I'm only writing this because I know richie will never read it and because I actually need some advice.  Lately I've been hanging out with a new group of people who are always hanging out front of my dorm at this table.  I knew one guy and now I swear I know everyone there pretty well.  So this one guy is pretty cool, he plays bass and he's really good. He's really sweet, and funny, but not necessarily the sharpest tool in the shed and a huge smoker (both of which really bother me).  So I've only known him for two days and he keeps asking me to hang out with him and stuff, telling me I'm the coolest girl he knows and that I'm beautiful.  And as nice as it is to hear that kind of thing from time to time, I feel really bad about spending time with him, because I feel like I'm leading him on.  I don't know how to tell him that I'm not interested without being mean, because he's really nice and I want to be friends. He hasn't said anything about a date or anything, so I feel like if I just told him I wasn't interested I would be jumping to conclusions and possibly ruining a friendship. EEEEEEHHHHH. Boys are sooooo confusing lol

good news for Richie though: Hanging out with this guys makes me realize how perfect Richie is

Alright, now that I've gotten all of that off my chest, It's probably best I hit the sack.  I have to teach my little mentees tomorrow! Good night all!!!!

A little Poem I wrote to practice for my creative writing class:


Born a Man, not a Child.
Never did he cry a tear.
Rushed out into the heartless world.
Born a Man, not a Child.

Died an Infant, in old age.
Lost his teeth, and his hair.
Then last of all he lost his mind.
Died an Infant, in old age.

just something I threw together, still in the works. Not so sure about the flow. Suggestions welcome!!!

List of things to do:
-Short Story for eng 209
-Ear training junk
-7 sketches for 3D
-Autobiography thing for 2D
-Study up on some theory stuff

lolz Alex's senior shirt says "KICK ME" where the nick name would be on it. LOVE IT. I knew there was a reason Alex and I were friends.....

Suddenly Home...

 So today I was a UM minding my own business, when suddenly things got really insane. Alright, so I'll start at the beginning.....

Today everyone in my dorm was supposed to be out by 12.  But since I was playing at the graduation with the band, all the flyers said that I wouldn't have to move out until TOMORROW by 12.  So Richie was visiting and my mom was planning on coming to pick the two of us up tomorrow (Friday) morning (turns out she actually had a huge plan for all of us to go on a fun-filled adventure in Miami). So at commencement I started to hear some talk of us having to move out today, I didn't think that much of it, but I still called my mom and made plans for my dad to pick me up a few hours after graduation was over.  Commencement ends and a few of my friends come back to the room with Alex (my roommate) and me to meet Richie and just hang out. We're all sitting around, playing guitar, talking, and watching me try to pack all my junk while Richie is in the shower when this angry woman shows up.  My friend Kelvin and I were in the doorway when she got there so she starts talking to me...rudely.  I told her calmly that I just got back from playing at commencement and that I was in the process of packing and would be out in a few hours.  She then proceeded to FREAK out and say that I was not allowed to have company (apparently she had been talking to Richie while he was in the shower....weird).  She chilled out sort of and said that Kelvin and Richie could stay to help me pack and leave.  Unfortunately before she left she looked in the room and saw that I actually had like four more friend there....and she flipped out for real.  She kept saying that I had too many people in my room and that they all had to leave.  So all my friends had to leave and Richie and I were left to clean the room with the promise that she would be back in an hour to make sure that we had vacated. So I crammed the rest of my stuff into my duffle bags and somehow managed to carry all of my junk out my room.  I was so angry about that woman I almost just stayed in the room to wait for her.  I really wanted to just lock the door and just scream "NOOOOOOOO!!!!" at the top of my lungs when she came to check on me.  They said we could stay until tomorrow, and I got kicked out 24 hours before I should have had to leave.  Then I had to sit outside with all my stuff waiting for my dad to come get me, no fun.

And now my mom has to drive me to Miami tomorrow so I can have a bassoon lesson. LAME.

But on a positive note, the first semester is over, I got all A's, my parents are cool with the idea of me transferring, I'm home, and I saw Emma today! Lots of surprises!!! And I get $100 for playing a commencement. Sweet.....

Another Update!

 Long time since I've written anything, and really I should be writing my 2 (that's right, TWO) anthro papers and the math powerpoint project that's due tomorrow (I'm really starting to hate my only two academic classes).  It's funny that all semester I can have no work for either of those classes and then manage to have a ton of work in the last week. Nonsense! But what can you do...tonight's going to be a long night.

Today was a pretty good day. I somehow managed to convince 6 trumpet players to wake up early in the morning to play my composition for my class. I'm still not really sure how i did it. I even convinced one of the grad students to come play it (he is GOD)!!!! Thank goodness I have so many friends in the trumpet studio.  It was cool to hear it played by actual trumpets instead of by the robot finale trumpets. I got a 91 on the actual project. Not as good as I had hoped or expected. I had hoped on at least a 95 or so. Apparently there were a bunch of parallel 5ths in some of the patterns. Didn't think that was very fair. I like the effect of parallel 5ths. But that's what I get for trying to be creative on a music theory 1 project. Note to self: Conform to traditional rules of music. Check.

Aside from that I didn't have any classes today, which was nice. I got to use all of that time doing work in the library...yay! BOOOOO. But i did find some interesting books, which is always good. And I think my partner and I pretty much figured out what we're going to do for our presentation tomorrow. Finally watched those two videos in anthro too. One was on death rituals and the other was on ancient healing. Pretty interesting stuff. But the ancient healing one was totally full of it. But whatever, I guess I can include that in my critique of it!! Again, I should be writing that...

Tomorrow I'm going to practice longer than I have been doing, I must admit I've been slacking. And it's not the greatest time to slack off either, I have to perform my piece at woodwind forum on Friday and then my jury is on Tuesday! EEEKK!!!! At least it's the same piece I've played for like the last three years, it should go well. I'm confident. Oh my, I just realized that I should make some reeds!!!! I made like 5 last week, but I was carrying so many things back to my dorm that I dropped my reed drying rack and most of them were destroyed. Needless to say I was completely heartbroken. Good thing I enjoy making reeds, I guess that gives me a reason to take a few hours tomorrow to just chill and make them.

I really can't wait for winter break! I didn't get to see that many people over Thanksgiving break, which really was a bummer. I miss a lot of people! And it sort of seems like some of the people I used to be pretty good friends with have either just drifted off and lost touch or are ignoring me...I don't know, but it does make me sad either way. Hopefully I get a chance to see them over break!

Speaking of winter break....I CAN'T WAIT TO GO TO SAN FRANCISCO!!!! I really do hope that's where the bowl game is. The sad part is that I'll have to fly out CHRISTMAS DAY to go fly to San Francisco with the marching band. Bummer. My Dad was saying that my mom actually wants to celebrate Christmas early, like maybe even next weekend. That's seems a bit odd to me. But I guess since anyone else can have an early birthday party, so can Jesus.

Alright, that's enough for now! I actually have to get to work again now...boooooo